Misunderstandings abound in e-mail. Many times simply due to one side not taking the time to ensure that their message and intent is clear, while the other side reads into the e-mail things that may not be there.
In my experience, when it comes to business, there will be those who assume they can whip off an e-mail in the midst of their frustration or aggravation thereby coming off as way more terse or demanding than the situation calls for. This does in fact have a negative impact relationship building potential.
That is why it is always so important (for both sides) if you get an e-mail that has a tone that gets your feathers ruffled to follow these two simple steps:
- First, take the words at face value and don’t assume anything. If you are not sure of intent or the tone relayed, pick up the phone and or e-mail for clarification before you spend the energy being upset and snapping back with an emotional response.
- Second, take a deep breath. If you are unsure as to whether the other side is purposefully trying to be upsetting or rude, wait until the next day to reply. And when you do, read your response out loud to double-check that the tone of your response apropos.
In business, we do not have the luxury of ignoring rude e-mailers as we do in our personal lives. However, that doesn’t mean that you have cater to rude e-mailers either. Just leave those who can only communicate by being nasty wallowing while they wait for a response from you that may be in a cool but professional tone. Always, always take the high ground.
A great majority of misunderstandings are because one side (contacts, associates, coworkers) didn’t realize how the words they chose and how they chose to use them (formatting, bolding, red text, caps, etc.) may be taken. Even customers assuming they can type as they please simply because they are the customer.
Regardless of which side of the screen you are on, professionalism and courtesy combined with clarity will rule the day!
Some More Info for You:
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Judith, I’d say this advice of ensuring you have the correct ‘reading’ of motives applies just as much to personal e-mails. If the e-mail seems particularly emotive or doesn’t ‘fit’ the person as you know them, it might be good to arrange a face-to-face meeting or at least a telephone conversation, even of a short duration.
I recently had the very pleasant experience of meeting a former very close friend who had moved to live in London 9 years ago, and who has since then corresponded by e-mail. I’d got the message from his e-mails that he was distancing himself from out previous close friendship, but was very pleased to find that on two recent face-to-face encounters he was just as he had always been toward me; it’s just that he doesn’t like e-mail so conveys a quite erroneous message, where I think he would be better not to use it at all, or perhaps do a course in self-expression via e-mail.
[Judith, please move this to a more appropriate place if you think fit: I recognise it doesn't really belong here, but don't know where to put it! I wanted to set down the very opposite of what I've previously written about, of how I ceased contact with a chap whose e-mails were a warning and revealed what I saw was actually his true character.]
Hey, Rodney:
I know exactly what you mean! Your advice rings so true and I have experienced the very same thing! I have several clients — and friends — that one would never know what great people they are by virtue of their e-mail communication style. One could assume they were rude or uninterested when in fact, just as you state, e-mail is not their forte. But even with that said, I do think it is important for folks like that to make the extra effort so they their intent and tone is not misinterpreted. It takes very little effort and can avoid a bunch of misunderstandings.
Your comment is just fine right here and as always appreciate your valued input!