How to Handle Unasked for IM Requests

There are two types of unasked for requests. From those you know and those you do not know. For those you know you can respond you are not available at the moment and that you’ll get back to the initiator. If you are IMing other associates during business hours, it is best to always start with “Is this a good time?”

The second category of those you do not know can be avoided by having your settings in place to not accept contacts unless they are on your list. If you don’t want to use that setting, you’ll onliners you probably don’t know asking to be added to your IM/AIM/ICQ contact list? Some give a first name and some don’t. Since you don’t know for sure if the request is coming from a person that you know, what is the best way to respond?

Again, it is prudent to have your instant messaging set to only allow contact with those on your approved list or they have to ask to be added. That is simply a good practice so you are not inundated by IM spammers or weirdos looking to communicate with total strangers.

Here is what I say when I refuse a request to be added to my approved list:

“I’m sorry, as I am sure you can understand, I do not approve additions to my contact list from those who do not give me the courtesy of introducing themselves by name and including why they want to communicate with me. Have a great day!”

This way, in case it is some you know, you haven’t offended them. Onliners should understand why you are taking caution in giving access to anyone who does not identify who they are and their intentions. That’s just common sense!

Business IM Availability Expectations

Many expect that if they “see” you are online, that you have time to chat.  During business hours to want to chat about the latest project, customer issue or concern can make sense if the parties involved are not in the same location.  That said, IMing for business should be used sparingly, with discretion and respect for the party on the other side.  Before jumping to IM a contact, you first need to think about if the topic is apropos for business hours.  Then consider whether an  e-mail or a phone call would be more productive and efficient before considering IM as your mode of communication.

With business IMing, not being available can cause the other side to unnecessarily feel you do not consider their contact important.  In my experience, whenever you do not do what other onliners expect or you let them know those expectations are not entirely accurate, (no matter how kindly) relationships can suffer.  You may be busy, in a meeting, on the road — there are many reasons for IM unavailability — so IMers should never make assumptions when it comes to others availability.

That said, you have the right to let others know when you are not available.   If you do not want to add contacts to your ignore list or “hide” when you are online by having your settings not announce your status, simply explain you are busy doing research or a business task and ask when would be a good time to hook up later.  Then follow through.

In the same vein, don’t expect just because you see someone is online that they are available to you alone and for idle chit-chat.  Especially during business hours, you need to respect and be cognizant of the fact that during this time frame we all have responsibilities and commitments.    When IMing someone during business hours, always ask first if they are available and have time to chat.  If they don’t; do not take it personally.

When it comes to IMing, both sides need to be considerate to and honest with the other side about their availability and expectations — especially during business hours.